Monday, December 17, 2007

Sorry for the confusion.

I think there has been a small mix up. A little confusion as to what a public toilet is and is not. Just in case you were wondering if a store front is a public toilet, let me assure you that it is not. Some terribly confused person decided that it was OK to crap all over the front of Hip Replacements in downtown Asheville. They sprayed the store window and walk-way with diarrhea. Then they left it and went about their business as if if were the norm to crap on the window of a store. Morgan is the gal that owns the store and she called me at work and told me what happened. You know, Morgan is a good person, she doesn't deserve to have to scrape poop off her store, so if you are the person that did that I think you owe her an apology. I mean after all it is the holidays and what you did not only lacks class but it also lacks holiday spirit. You are just a gross person. On the upside, it was really funny when Morgan told me about it and even funnier when she did a demonstration of what the person must have done to get crap that high on the window. The downside like I said is that it lacks holiday spirit. The other upside is that it makes a great story. Another downside is that it is still there because rain can't get to it because its in a covered spot. Another upside is that it is still there because rain can't get to it and now its a whole thing, with everyone waiting to see how long it will stay there. Morgan said kip threw water on it but it didn't help. I suppose that is also a downside, Kip had to attempt to clean it up and apparently it didn't work. Gross.
In conclusion, I think the golden rule to follow when it comes to public restrooms is if you don't see an actual toilet bowl than it is not a bathroom and do not proceed with deification. It is also wise to remember that if you are not sure if a location is a bathroom or not notice if you are in a wide open public place. Most of the time if you are in a public place like the middle of downtown than it is not a bathroom, proceed to a place that has indoor plumbing and 4 walls. Thank You

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Look at me

Do you not just love how Stu spiffed up this blog? I love the picture he drew of me. To be totally honest I am not that blond right now, but I asked Stu to make me blond because when I am not pregnant I am blond. Anyway...now the blog looks great before it looked like dog doo.
I have been to many Christmas partys this week and I still have one more to go. I went with my BF April to her party on Sunday and then I escorted Teddydigital to his work party on Monday. I stuffed my face at both events and had a great time doing it. Thursday we have a work party at the Laughing Seed ,which is a very delicious vegetarian restaurant here in Asheville. I already know what I am having.
Just so everyone knows I am the battleship champion. Teddydigital and I went and got the game battleship. You remember the one you played as a kid? Well we went and got it and then I whooped his ass in it all night long!!!!!
Stay tuned for updates on battleship ass whoppings!!

Friday, December 7, 2007

Something smells bad in here.

Oh that something is me. I am what smells so bad in this office. Stu thought it was the rug. He said it smelled musty, but then he realized that it was me. I sit at my desk and fart. I can't help it. They smell so bad because I have developed a new salad that I eat every day at lunch.
Here is the recipe for fart salad.

I can of Garbanzo beans
1/2 can black olives
1/2 green pepper
baby carrots
balsamic vinaigrette

I think its the can of beans. Yeah, I think that is what is making me fart so much because I don't fart in the morning but after lunch and all night I do. All this after I eat the can of beans.
These farts are really bad too. I feel bad for Stu because I thought he was not being affected by the farts but then he told me he was just trying to be a gentleman. He said that is what you do when a lady be fowls the air.
This is what I learned from that remark about how a gentleman ignores a Lady's farts...if you work in an office and you want to punish someone, make the fart salad and then bombs away. They will probably be to polite to mention the horrible smells. If not then that's OK too because they are still being invaded by your ass.
This is not to say I am punishing Stu because we all know I think Stu is aces.
Stu said that I have to buy him a candle to put on his work station because he can't stand it any more. I am willing to do that because I think if he was a detainee in Guantanamo Bay and I was farting like that to get him to give up information it would be considered inhumane torture and somehow violating the Geneva convention.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Tuesdays with Murry

This morning I went to the gym with my friend Mary, who I like to call Murry. The gym was disgusting and uneventful. I did some weights and then I did the elliptical machine. It was no biggie except that for afterwards I was really, really hungry and felt really tired. When I went to the locker room I found a granola bar in my gym bag and I ate it. I felt a little better but not much. Then I took a shower and put my clothes on. I met up with Murry in the lobby where I told her I was dying. She said I should ditch work and we should go eat. I agreed but I didn't think that would go over well at the office so I told her I could not. She then offered to make me a smoothie at her house. I took her up on the offer and we proceeded to go to her place. The reason I am mentioning this smoothie is because it was the best smoothie I have ever had. It was so good that I wish I could eat several more right now. The smoothie was bananas,almond butter and soy milk. Then she used a hand blender and mashed it up and it was perfect. This goes to show that simplicity is the way to go. I have had smoothies at Earthfare that had a million different things in it and they don't come close to how yummy that Murry smoothie was.
Like I said before it was the best smoothie I have ever had.
Thanks Murry, you saved my life. I thought I was going to die but your smoothie saved me and my unborn child. I will name my baby after you. I will name my baby Murry.
If anyone wants more info on this lifesaving and delicious smoothie please contact me.