B is for Bird Dog

and that is what a golden retriever is...a bird dog. A dog that is bread to go out hunting and retrieve the poor ducks from the water after an evil, nasty hunter shoots them. A man like Dick Chaney who was hunting baby quail when he shot that Texas layer, would need such a dog to gingerly bring back the little quail that he murdered.
I have no such need for this type of service from my Golden. However, nature is in charge and so when I rescued this gentle giant I had to take the good with the bad. The good being is a loving, easy going, over sized lap dog. The bad being he has an infinity for bring dead birds in to the house. This is what happened last week when he dropped a dead bird on our arm chair. This also happened this morning when he raced into the house with something in his mouth and was whining and racing around. All I saw was the little stick-like bird legs poking out of one side of his mouth. I told him to get the hell out of the house and he mistook that for DROP BIRD. It was so vile. This poor mangled bird laying on my kitchen floor. I just put my hands over my eyes and started screaming as my brother-in-law who is vising had to get a paper towel and toss it back outside. Then of course Otto ran back outside and retrieved it and stood on the porch looking in with this little bird in his lips wondering what the big deal was. Gross, and he wants to lick the baby.

So I need to win the lottery so I can open an animal sanctuary for all the dogs and cats and other pets that are homeless due to the high amount of foreclosures. Either that or someone can donate the money to me. Well just let me know if anyone out there is interested. Thanks.

Mastitis is a pain in the breast.

Well my clogged milk duct turned into full on mastitis, WOW mastitis is no joke. Despite taking the antibiotics my body still decided that it wanted to go there and so what was once just a relatively painful experience turned in to a nightmare that can only be compared to something not quite as horrible as labor pains but pretty freaking close. I was out of commission for a few days and now I am on the mend and feeling a little better. Resting and taking it easy has never been my strong suit but the fear of this thing coming back or getting worse is enough for me to get in bed and rest.

On another scary note I finally got on the scale. I waited till Sadie was one month old before doing this. All I can really say about that experience was that it was so traumatic and so devastating that I could not even get upset. It was like my mind could not even process that number so it just went into some sort of trance and I just looked at the number again to make sure and then like a person who just had their brains eaten by zombies I stepped off the scale and staggered away. I have never ever weighed this much, not EVER except being pregnant and that doesn't count. So instead of getting completely ill and just losing it I have resigned myself to the fact that I need to lose a good amount of weight and that it is going to take some time and that I am just going to have to do and not get crazy. Easier said than done. It doesn't help that this boob infection has me sidelined from running for a while until it heals.

That is the update on me. The baby is doing great. She was a month old on Friday and she may not be plumping up much but she is getting longer and longer. I think she is going to have Teddydigitals body, long and lean. She is smiling all the time and has laughed out loud 3 times. The first laugh was at Crispy Cat headquarters when Liliha was holding her, it was so precious. I am going to have to figure out how to get pictures on this blog so the world can view the beauty of Sadie, I know all Moms think that but seriously my kid is gorgeous and also a genius. Pray for my boob everyone!

Ouch

I have a clogged milk duct. It hurts like freaking hell. It is 5 seconds from mastitis so I am on antibiotics and pain meds. The pain meds are because I am supposed to keep nursing on the bad boob and I am supposed to massage it and put compresses on it. Just looking at the bad boob makes me want to scream and jump off the roof it hurts so bad.

All I want to say today is this.....MEN DO NOT GET IT.
You may be asking what do they not get? Anything.
Yes that is right they just do not understand and I have given up trying to explain it anymore, it just pisses me off. So when my husband looks at me and tells me he is tired I just don't say anything anymore because I know that he might be tired but I also know he was not the one up all night either. And when I ask for a mere 45 mins to myself to go running and I ask him to look after the babe and he acts like he is doing me some colossal favor I just remind myself that in this state murder is a crime punishable by prison.

And THAT is all I have to say about THAT.
Come talk to me when your tit is about to fall off buddy!

Did I give birth to Fidel Castro?

Who knew that a dictator could be so cute. I think this is the trick to trying to have a dictatorship....just be really freaking cute and the people won't care. I wondered this to myself this morning about the person running my house now. I wondered how dose such a small person have so much control over me? I can't take a shit unless she says OK, that is literal too. If Teddydigital is at work and she and I are alone and I have to go to the bathroom and she wants to be held....well then I have to hold her AND hold my bladder. Its that or put her down and listen to heartbreaking screams while I feel like the worst mother on the planet. I usually just hold it.

After a late night all I wanted was a shower this morning. But Sadie told me no. I begged and bargained and tried to bribe her but nothing. I finally put her into what I call a "boob coma" she drank a bunch of milk and passed out. I know better though than to put her down before she is really passed out, if she is slightly awake she will scream and I will have to start the whole process over again. So I waited until I saw her little tongue poke out of her mouth and her entire body go limp then I gently laid her down. I just stood there looking at her in her little yellow jumper with her little tiny body and wondered if Castro had been this cute he probably could have taken over the entire world. So now I am taking a break from gathering all the dirty clothes off the floor of our bedroom to wax poetic about the baby and how cute she is and how she is a master of mind control already at just 3 1/2 weeks old. I am so proud of her, perhaps one day she will take over a small country or maybe even this one. She will be a ruthless tyrant for sure, ruling with an iron fist and she will probably erect statues of her favorite thing, the boob. Big golden monuments of my boob.

OK enough of this...I have to do laundry and I am waiting for Fed Ex to deliver my diaper bag. I neglected to pick one up so the hospital gave me one filled with formula. I feel like a jerk carrying a bag around that says SIMILAC on it. At some point I want to cover the topic of baby snatchers, I have a plan if anyone ever tries to snatch my baby and I want to discuss it in an up coming post.

Sexy Mama? No, I think not.

There is nothing sexy about the postpartum period if you ask me. I know that there are people who would disagree and say that a woman who just became a mother is at her most beautiful and in an abstract, spiritual sort of way they are correct. In a much more vain and physical way I believe they are wrong. I don't know if it is the fact that after many months I have finally seen my bush again and it is terrifying! It was hidden under my huge belly and I stopped being able to see it at around 6 months pregnant and since I could not see it I just pretended it did not exist. That was a mistake. Now it is so over grown and crazy I don't know how or where to begin, so once again I am pretending it dose not exist. Another thing that resurfaced after my belly went down a bit were some stretch marks that I did not know were there. I thought I had escaped them but they were just hiding on the underside of my enormous belly and were not visible until some of the swelling went down. But at this point it doesn't even matter, I mean really. I just consider them a badge of honor. By the way Sadie is wearing little pants today with duckies on the feet and they are so freaking cute! Hemorrhoids are another thing that are not so sexy. And the fact that I have had to wear a maxi pad non-stop and a very unattractive nursing bra only add to this feeling. A few of the other things include the jacked up body and the still wearing of maternity clothes because my tiny little pre -pregnancy jeans are a total joke.

HOWEVER.......I will gladly never wear size 0 jeans again if it means I can stare at a baby wearing little duckie pants. I don't mind nursing all freaking night long if I can see one little smile in the morning. I think I can settle for being a size 2 though. Not that I am any where near that right now but I think if I give myself a few months I can get there.

So those are my thoughts on the postpartum period. I wish I was more spiritual or more hippieish and could say that I look like a beautiful goddess and am loving my engorged boobs and sore ass. Sorry. That would be dishonest. Besides how much fun would that be?

Tired is the new well rested

Thank God I have never been the type to need tons of sleep. Don't get me wrong I am better on more sleep rather than less but I am coming to find out about myself that I can do a lot more than I thought. Being a Mom has showed me that I am a much stronger person than I previously may have thought. Or it might be that being a Mom has just made me a stronger person...dare I say a "better" person. Maybe just a different person. Anyway I am into the new me regardless. I still have my moments of getting ill and cranky but something has shifted. Perhaps it is that little lady that hangs out with me all day and all night. She is showing me new things everyday about myself and about life.

Life as a Crispy Cat staffer at home is filled with the excitement and adventure. By adventure I mean going to the store with a baby and by excitement I mean learning to nurse on my side while I am still semi-asleep. We went for a little walk at the Botanical Gardens today with our pal Jess and little Lou and we had a great time talking about all the stuff that people who don't have a new baby don't want to talk about. Than we changed diapers and breastfed in some sort of gazebo. It was nice and afterwards Sadie and I were really pooped so we went to my Moms to mooch some lunch and then came back here.

Tomorrow I am going to the office to see all my work friends and I am so excited for them to meet Sadie. I am sure that she will love everyone! And I know they will all love her (they better).

5 4 3 2 1 lets run......

I thought that after the baby was born I was going to be really ill over my post pregnancy body, but much to my surprise I have not been that distraught. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I have bigger fish to deal with and that for once it is not all about me.
Having a kid showed me how self-obsessed I really was...crazy! Now I can see that even though having a fit healthy body is important, it is not the only thing in life and I don't have to go insane trying to recapture my figure right away. At first I thought that if I did not look like I did before with in a month than the world was all wrong and I would not be able to go on. But here I am 2 1/2 weeks into it and I have a belly that is like a big gummy bear and no abs in sight, I won't even get into my legs and arms and I am sort of OK with it. I trust that my body knows how to get back to what nature intended. Besides when you don't sleep and you have a baby that is a fuss-a-dufflus there is little time for body fixations.
Now this is not to say that I am 100% at peace with my body, but its way less of a mind eff than I thought it would be.

On another note I have started running again...sort of. This was the longest I have been inactive in many years and trust me I needed the rest. But then a few days ago I got the itch to run and so I handed over the babe to Teddydigital and ran for 20 minuets on my treadmill. Now, in the past I would never have counted 20 mins as a "run" but considering the circumstance I felt like i just ran a marathon and I was just as proud. The next day I gave my self a rest and than today I ran for 25 mins. It felt really good. Slow and steady and soon enough I will be back to real running. Though running a few weeks after giving birth feels pretty real to me. I am certain that the reason that I have recovered so quickly is because I worked out up until the end. I ran until 34 weeks and then just went to the gym and did all the boring machines. I still got cellulite but at least I was not bound to my bed for weeks trying to get over the trauma of birth.

Anyway in case you have not heard, we are running a contest so you might want to get in on some of this action and win yourself some free candy.
All you need to do is whip up an original desert using a Crispy Cat, make sure its vegan and make double sure that its awesome. Take a picture and email it with a description of your creation to info@crispycat.com.

I miss the art department....

Right now instead of blogging I should be trying to sleep because at any moment my precious baby could wake up and decided to have a party. At this party will only be two other people besides Sadie, one will be me and one will be Teddydigital. There is no getting out of this party and it could rage on and on until the break of dawn. Luckily the party's have not been to crazy with the exception of a few nights, one of them being last night. Anyway I miss the office a little.
Don't get me wrong I love being at home with Sadie and doing the Mom thing, it is the coolest job I have ever had. The pay sucks and the hours are sorta long but everything else is great. But I have to say I miss going to Crispy Cat headquarters. I liked coming into work and having a bunch of emails from people. I even liked getting annoyed by some of the emails I got from people. I liked making sales calls and talking to people from different animal organizations and giving them donations and getting to talk to all the other groups that needed candy for their events.
But I especial loved the people I worked with. That is what I think I miss the most. I loved seeing Joel at the gym before work and then when he gets to work I like asking how was your workout? I like seeing Eric come in and head to the coffee pot and then chatting his ear off and I especially loved the time of day when I would see Stu and his bike come rolling in. The art department and community relations share a space and Stu is the best work space buddy a person could hope for. I sure miss all our chats. I even miss busting Ari's chops.....
Well I am going to try to make it to the office on Monday with the babe.
Just so the people out there know...we have the best office to work in. If you have to be in an office, our office is it....
Don't forget our contest....most original use of a Crispy Cat in a Vegan dessert! Take a picture and send it in and win big!!!

Another cool contest.....

Now that I have had my baby and we have had 6 winners for the contest I guess its time for another chance for all our fans to win some more free candy bars!!!
We are looking for the most creative use of a Crispy Cat in a vegan desert. All you have to do is send a photo of your creation and you stand to win mucho amounts of candy bars!!! I am sure with all the creative people out there someone has some great idea that they have been sitting on, so now is the chance to cash in on it. What other company loves giving away free candy bars as much as we do? So think of a good one and take a photo and send us a little description of your yummy vegan desert and you just might be the next big winner!

Well, now that we have the business stuff handled let me fill you in on life as a Crispy Cat staffer on maternity leave. There is a whole lot of nothing going on and at the same time a whole lot happening. I know that all the moms out there know what I am talking about. So far today I have changed diapers, washed diapers, nursed non-stop, fed some dogs and waited for the moment when I think it is safe to take Sadie out of the Maya wrap and put her down for a second so I can take a shower. I would always hear new moms talking about how it was hard to fit in showers and I never got it.....until now. After a long night of breast feeding and calming a fussy baby I got up and expected Sadie to sleep like she usually dose all day but this morning she decided that she was not in to going into her little moses basket, instead she wanted to be held.. .........or else. So hold her I did and I did it with joy because I love my baby and I love being a Mom and that is what Moms do, they hold fussy babies. But after a while it did start to get really hot. She is like a little furnace and I am now covered in sweat and breast milk and just hoping that I can put her down for 10 minuets with out her noticing. I am finally starting to understand all the things that people with kids are always talking about. I am starting to see why people who have a new baby have houses that looked trashed, because when she is finally just resting the last thing I feel like doing is dishes. Anyway enough of all that, on Monday I plan on bring her over to the office to meet all the people I work with. I think it will be fun for her to meet all the voices she listened to while sitting in my belly.

OK so just to sum it up........think of a yummy vegan desert that uses a Crispy Cat.
Take a picture of it....send it in......the most creative wins a load of Crispy Cat Candy Bars. Send your entries to info@crispycatcandybars.com
Good luck!!!