Just say no to the cat hat.

I am ashamed to say that I recently did something very mean to my cat Mr. Big and my dog Inky.


I know, you're wondering how an animal lover like me could commit an act of animal cruelty to her precious and beloved pets. I am the person who made phone calls to the NFL demanding they sack Michael Vick and called Nike and said I would throw away all my Nike stuff if they didn't boot him . So what would make a person like me do something heinous to an animal?

*Don't freak out I didn't actually abuse my animals*

Here's how good things turn into bad things. I was shopping at a large department store with my good friend April. We were just picking up crap we didn't need and wasting our youth. I wanted to get one of those self watering things for my cats, the kind that has a big bottle on top and water just flows out as needed. Recently I have taken on the duty of caring for a 17 year old cat. Bob is a neighborhood cat that decided he liked the way Teddydigital and I kick it so he moved in. Actually, he was first living with the people who lived in our house before us and when they moved they gave Bob to the neighbor man. Then the neighbor man's girlfriend moved in with her two cats and those cats decided they didn't like Bob so they beat him up until Bob said *eff it* and split. The neighbor lady and the neighbor man both felt bad but since there was nothing they could do about the fact that Bob would not live there, they had to accept it. Personally I love Bob. He has a crazy story and he looks like the crypt keeper. When he was a kitten, a dog attacked him and bit off his tail and most of his ears, hence the name Bob. He's also deaf and a little on the scrawny side and his hair is falling out. But he loves Teddydigital and he loves me and our three dogs and our cat Mr.Big, so I say *the more the crazier*! Anyway, the point is, this neighbor lady said the vet said Bob needs more water and since Bob is a picky- pants, I wanted to make sure he had a clean source to sip from.

As I was picking out the new water system I see the most wonderful and evil thing ever. This is where the animal abuse comes into play; it was something called "The cat hat". It was a little hat meant for your cat. It has an elephant on it and it straps under the chin. So cute, so funny and so cruel. Cats are prideful creatures and an elephant hat that straps under the chin is the last thing they would ever don. But the cat in the picture looked so happy to be wearing it, I decided that Mr.Big would be embarrassed to wear it but Petunia probably wouldn't care. After all she is just a little butterball of cuteness and loves to wear clothes. Not really, but she looks super cute in them.

My intentions were the best, but then when I got home I realized that Petunia's head was too fat for the cat hat. So I looked to Inky. It was risky because Inky is not messing around and has no problem giving me a nip. He's old and grumpy but his head is so tiny and perfect for the cat hat. I was right too. It looked so cute and funny and I laughed and laughed. Inky didn't hate it but I wouldn't say he loved it . He tolerated it and then after I stopped hugging him and laughing he shook it off. I should have stopped there. I should have been happy with seeing it on the dog, but I wasn't. I was like a cat hat junkie. I needed to see it on more animals. I looked for Mr. Big but he was no where to be found. I saw Bob but he's too old for the cat hat and I just couldn't bear to do it to him. I waited until Mr. Big came home for his supper and after he ate and came over to me for some pets, I stuck the cat hat on him. Oh how precious it looked indeed! I carried a pissed off Mr. Big to Teddydigital to show him the cat hat. Mr. Big was laying sort of limp in my arms. That's normal for him. He's really long and lean and I had never known that to be a pre-attack stance before. Teddydigital thought the cat hat was evil and embarrassing and made me take it off Bigs, and as soon as I did, Bigs gave me a bite on the hand. I must have deserved it because he never bites and has a great temperament. But he didn't stop with just a bite. He jumped on a chair and started swiping at Inky who was standing by and then looked at me and tried to swipe me as well. He was enraged at being made to wear that cat hat! I kept trying to say sorry by petting him but he wasn't in the mood to accept my apology. I felt really bad. How could I humiliate my cat like that? He's so good and loving and I betrayed him by making him wear a cat hat. Damn that cat hat!

Let this be a warning: Don't buy the cat hat no matter how cute you think your cat might look in it. Your cat will hate it and you will feel like the worst person ever for making them wear it.