foux pas are funny

The last night of trade show the company got invited out to have dinner at a hip vegetarian cafe in Baltimore. Some people in high places took a liking to the company and we felt honored to have been included. It had been a long 5 days already and I was pooped, not to mention sick and tired. I can't tell you why I was sick and tired, its a secret, I can tell you in a few weeks. So stop asking already! Anyway, I also had terrible gas. Really bad. I mean so bad that the day before I accidentally let one slip and it smelled so bad that Eric jumped out of our mini-van and walked back to the hotel.



It's really not my fault. I did purposely gas out Ari one night when we were driving back to our hotel though. Ari and I had custody of the mini-van seeing as we were very far from the convention center. Now, I don't mind driving but I'm used to Teddydigital doing all the driving, partly because he's a nice guy and partly because my driving scares him. So when Ari decided to get bombed, I was forced to drive. It made me a little mad because I was tired and n0t in the mood to drive, but I had no choice if I wanted to get back to my hotel so I could hear that dog barking in the projects across the street all night long. So I drove, and all the while Ari slurred "I don't drwink, I donnn dwrink" . I felt the raging furry in my bowels and just knew that it had to come out. So I rolled up the windows and then locked them ,as the worst smell in the world hit us both. Ari screamed and wailed but to no avail I would not roll down the window. Then I did it twice more. It sounds really harsh but it was well deserved.



At dinner, unfortunately was when my gas back fired on me. Normally I have control over my bowels but for many reasons this time I did not. For one I was tired and for two I had spent many days trying to hold in farts while at the trade show. So combine being tired with being hungry and with the fact that I had exerted a rather large amount of energy over the past four days holding farts in. Now picture me at dinner with the whos who of the natural food industry and I am a little tired and cranky and a little gassy.

At first the dinner was going slow and I feeling a little under stimulated. I really didn't know anyone except the people who I work with and it was crowded and a little hard to hear. Ari was on my left and Eric was on my right. Then Lelia and her friend Dean showed up and the party started to get rollin'. I started having a lot of fun talking with Dean and Lelia. Then before I knew it I had a little tofu in my belly and I was shouting and laughing and telling stories. That's when it happened. It just slipped out and I really didn't realize it until it was too late. I was carrying on and having to much fun to tell that one had snuck out and it was not until the retched smell hit the air that I started to panic. The smell was reported later as the worst one yet and it hit Ari and Eric hard. They both lept up at the same time from the table with their shirts over their noses and tried to run. Fearful that if they left it would be obvious that it was I who lay the fart I started clutching at Eric. I griped his shirt as I pleaded with my eyes not to run, but he could not handle it and he broke free from my death grip and ran to the safety of the bar. There I sat, alone with the smell and across from me sat all the big wigs and my boss Joel. Everyone was doing the polite thing and pretending not to smell the most putrid smell they may have ever smelled. I on the other hand was in peals of laughter, I don't know why because it only further proved I was the guilty party but I just could not stop laughing! Joel look at me from across the table and shrugged his shoulders " Oh well." was all he could muster up. I 'm sure he was very close to passing out and may have been in a fart induced delirium. Ari and Eric got drunk at the bar while waiting for the storm to pass. Ari said that it was so bad he didn't even think we could be friends anymore. When I heard that it brought back the hysterical fit I had been in earlier. I immediately called Teddydigital to tell him the story.

This is my favorite Crispy Cat story to date.