This morning I was huggin' my cat Mr. Big. Bigs is like the most loving and friendly cat in the world. He is a huge yellow cat, not fat just tall, sorta like a lion. Anyway one of the best things about him is that you can hold him and cuddle him and kiss him and he loves it. Its like the more attention the better, so that's why I was so surprised this morning when he tried to kill me.
I guess he didn't really try to "kill" me but he did scratch me. I was totally shocked. It was a morning like any other morning, Bigs came into my room and got my sheets all muddy with his dirty feet and then fell asleep. I came in and saw him looking so cute and started kissing him and then I cradled him in my arms like a baby. This is all very normal. Then I guess Bigs wanted to be let go of and he tried to wiggle free so I let him go because no means no right?
Then I gave him on last pet and he took a swipe and his claw got stuck in the web of my finger. I started to panic, I could feel the bacteria and cat poop seeping into my veins. I freaked out!!!
I thought for sure that me and my baby were going to be infected with this deadly virus disease thingy and then be turned into rage zombies.
I called the phone nurse and left a message. Then I looked at Bigs I asked him "WHY, WHY DID YOU DO THAT I LOVE YOU YOU CRAZY SONOFABITCH WHY YOU TRY TO KILL ME??" he just ignored me and licked his paws and his tail then fell asleep. I went to work and I googled Cat Scratch Disease and then I was really scared. I asked Stu about it he said he had it once when he was 15. Then he looked at my scratch and said he thought I was fine, after all he did work at the Harvard medical newsletter place stuffing envelopes so I know he knows something about medical stuff, I mean it practically makes him a doctor but still I was uneasy. I called Teddydigital at his office and asked him if he thought I had it. He said no and then googled it and sent me a bunch of photos of pugs and a kid with a bad cat scratch on his back. I called him again and he transferred me to this lady in accounting named Cherrie who had a cat when she was pregnant and it scratched her a bunch and her kids are fine so I felt a litttle better but not much. I called his office again later and he answered "Cat scratch fever hot line." I hung up. I asked Eric and then his brother if they thought I had it and they said no but still I was not convinced.
Eventual the phone nurse called me back and told me more than likely that it was OK. So I feel a lot better. But if I turn into a rage zombie or my baby comes out like a rage zombie than I know who to blame (Bigs!!!)
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6 comments:
You totally crack me up. I'm sittin here eating a mint coconut that my friend brought me from canada - yes, we are now smuggling them down because we still don't have them here in Boringham Washington - but anyway, had to stop by and say Hi, and that my co op is sick of me asking them about crispy cats, so I figure they're going to cave any day now and get some in. :) And your blog is hilarious. i think i will make some fart salad and see what my coworkers think.
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