What happens at the gym stays at the gym (Hopefully)

I know that this is long over due, but so much happens at the gym I never know where to start. It would be hard to pin point any specific thing or situation. It's an undefinable place with so many weird, gross things happening all at once that its a daunting task to try and capture it all with a few paragraphs. I would like to add smells and bodily fluids to really enhance the experience. Smells especially, the smells are a crucial part of the gym. I would like to make it an interactive experience, like you're reading this and all of sudden stinky armpit smell vapors come pouring out of your computer speakers. Or you notice that your keyboard has beads of sweat all over it and your chair is damp with some other persons perspiration. Yeah, now your really feeling it.



I go to the gym a few times a week at the same time so for the most part its the same cast of characters. There is such an assortment of people. Big muscle guys and old ladies, people who are really serious about lifting weights and people like me who have no idea what they are doing. Some people make a lot of primal grunting noises when they are hoisting weights around and some twist and contort their face. People are sweating and scantly clad, breathing hard and checking themselves and other people out in the mirror.

Coming into contact with the bodily fluids of complete strangers is a regular and most unhygienic occurrence. People are supposed to wipe down the machines and equipment but it's often forgotten in the frantic effort to get ripped. Nothing is worse than going to lay down on the bench to bench press that stick thing and slipping right off onto the floor. Mucho embarrassing.

I also had to re-name all the gym equipment. I either didn't know or couldn't remember the real names so I gave them names that reflected what they do, the same goes for free weight exercises.

For example the dip assist I call the dip s#@t. If I'm doing pull ups on it I call it the hang tight. I call the triceps machine candy ropes or mouse at the counter depending on the attachment I use. I refer to the lat pull down machine as the your love is lifting me higher. Instead of doing bent over rows I instead do the down right ho. I could go on but I don't know the actual names of the other exercises so you won't know what a McFaye really is or what dog biscuits do or even what the David Lee Roth ab thingy is really called.

Going to the gym is like stumbling onto an orgy full of the last people on earth you would ever want to see copulating.

I could wax poetic all day about the gym.