Something smells bad in here.

Oh that something is me. I am what smells so bad in this office. Stu thought it was the rug. He said it smelled musty, but then he realized that it was me. I sit at my desk and fart. I can't help it. They smell so bad because I have developed a new salad that I eat every day at lunch.
Here is the recipe for fart salad.

I can of Garbanzo beans
1/2 can black olives
1/2 green pepper
baby carrots
balsamic vinaigrette

I think its the can of beans. Yeah, I think that is what is making me fart so much because I don't fart in the morning but after lunch and all night I do. All this after I eat the can of beans.
These farts are really bad too. I feel bad for Stu because I thought he was not being affected by the farts but then he told me he was just trying to be a gentleman. He said that is what you do when a lady be fowls the air.
This is what I learned from that remark about how a gentleman ignores a Lady's farts...if you work in an office and you want to punish someone, make the fart salad and then bombs away. They will probably be to polite to mention the horrible smells. If not then that's OK too because they are still being invaded by your ass.
This is not to say I am punishing Stu because we all know I think Stu is aces.
Stu said that I have to buy him a candle to put on his work station because he can't stand it any more. I am willing to do that because I think if he was a detainee in Guantanamo Bay and I was farting like that to get him to give up information it would be considered inhumane torture and somehow violating the Geneva convention.