Ooops, I craped my pants!

I have decided to write a book that is going to put me on the map! I had a Divine inspiration and I know this is the book God wants me to write. The holy spirit moved me and I instantly knew what my life's work is to be. Don't anyone dare try and steal my idea. I will pummel you if you try. I mean it. If someone tries to publish a book filled with true stories about people crapping their pants, you're as good as dead. I will come to your book signing and cause a huge scene. Oh and I think you know I will, so don't test me. Anyway, let's move on ......

This world is in need of a good laugh and nothing is funnier than this topic. When all the media covers is sadness and despair, I will bring the public the rub they so desperately need.
Yes, I'm going to go around compiling story's about people crapping their pants!! It is just so funny I don't know how it won't be a best seller!!! This morning at the gym, Mary told me 2 stories about people crapping their pants and I was laughing so hard I almost wet my pants. I had to cross my legs and bend over I was laughing so hard. One of the stories wasn't exactly about a person who crapped in their pants, it was more like a girl was doing a massage at a client's house and after the massage she was gripped with horrible pains and ran to the bathroom only to have the worst diarrhea of her life. Then the toilet over- flowed and started to seep into the hallway! She was forced to grab the lady's towels and start sopping up the mess, all the while she was wearing little crocheted shoes that were totally saturated in crap and crap water. Of course the girl to whom this tragedy befell did not find it funny. I thought it was one of the best stories i had heard in a long time, that is until Mary told me story # 2 (pardon the pun).

The second story was about her ex-boyfriend and the unexpected events that unfolded in his pants while traveling home after a job interview. The story was so memorable that he told everyone he knew about it. Apparently her boyfriend had a job interview at some fancy place in Boston so he was dressed up in dapper men's wear. I am assuming he had on dress pants, a belt and fancy shoes with nice socks that matched, along with a shirt he tucked in. As he was headed back to his apartment, according to Mary's version of the story, he felt horrible pain and his "sphincter contracted". As he raced to the first door and fumbled with his keys, it was uncertain if he would make it up the stairs and to the toilet in time. He made it through the first door, but unfortunately by the time he hit the stairs it was to late. He lost control of his bowels and it was running down his legs and settling in his shoes. He pushed on determined to make it to his apartment but as he ran, crap was squirting out of his shoes. He told Mary he was so grossed out he was gaging as he literally ripped the clothes off his body and jumped in the shower. I'm sorry, but that would only happen to a guy. I bet he had little twinges of pain alerting him to the situation on hand way before he felt the contractions in his sphincter. It doesn't even matter because the story is so funny. I'm glad he procrastinated on going to the bathroom.

I don't want to give away too much of the book, so I'll just leave it at that for now.
If you have a great story about crapping your pants or of someone you know crapping their pants, please let me know.