I want to write about a religious experience I had this week but I am too distracted by thoughts of Michael Vick. So let me just get it out of my system so I can go on with my day.
I totally want to scratch Michael Vick's eyes out! There I said it!! I don't care how that sounds because it is so true, and it's not like I don't say it all the time anyway. I told Teddydigital this and he said it would be impossible for me to scratch his eyes out because he would have bodyguards all around him. Even though I have been going to the gym a lot, I'm not sure I could take on several bodyguards at once. Maybe if I watch the fight scenes in Kill Bill I could get some moves but it seems unlikely I would be able to pull it off, especially because I don't really want to hurt anyone,. That is except for Michael Vick. I asked Teddydigital if he would help me scratch Michael Vick's eyes out. My plan was to make my self totally stiff , like a little ruler and then Teddydigital could hold my legs and push me through the body guards like a stick and then I could scratch his eyes out, afterwards Digital could just pull me back and we could book outta there. He said no. Digital said that if we see Michael Vick he is throwing me in the car and racing away. I don't understand. Don't our marriage vows mean anything to him? For better or for worse? To have and to hold your wife like a stick so she can scratch a man's eyes out? Well, I don't know about him, but I heard that part of our vows and I totally care about it too!
I guess in the long run it's better that I don't act on that impulse. I mean someone has to be the better person, and it's not like me mauling Vick brings back all the dogs he killed or erases all the suffering they went through. Tt just lands me a little time in the clink. Besides Vick's life is over. He keeps getting his ass handed to him everyday so really I need to focus my attention elsewhere. Now, you may be wondering who I should be focusing on? I am so glad you asked, but you're probably going to get bummed because I was so bummed when I found out I was going to have to start harassing Ellen DeGeneres! Yes that's right ELLEN DEGENERES! I saw on T.V. that she is the new spokesperson for Tide cold water detergent! Who makes Tide? PROCTER AND GAMBLE!!!! And what do PROCTER AND GAMBLE do? They ABUSE ANIMALS NON-STOP, they make MONKEYS DRINK TIDE!!!! Yes and you know its true! If Ellen was not always talking about how much she loves animals and blah blah blah then I might not be as upset but she totally claims to love animals. So why is she in bed with Procter and Gamble? I mean they are the worst of the worst. And don't think if you use Tom's of Maine you're in the clear because Procter and Gamble bought them out and now they own Tom's of Maine's ass. Tom from Maine is a sell out. Anyway, Ellen was on the T.V. just going on and on about how we can help the environment by washing our clothes in cold water but she never once mentioned that she was a corporate sell out and that she thinks it's OK to make monkeys drink laundry detergent. I was sad because up until that moment I liked Ellen, and I thought she cared about animals, but I guess I was wrong, she only cares about money.
I know, let's all call the studio and tell them how lame it is that Ellen makes monkeys drink Tide and that we won't watch her show or tolerate her until she quits working for Procter and Gamble. Let me know how it goes!
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