Dear Diary,
Last night I was viciously attacked by zombies. Oh the horror, for reals. I didn't know that the stalking patterns of zombies were so intense, but they are! I should probably think of doing a zombie survival guide so others can read it and be prepared in case of an attack. Wow, I am such a nice person. My compassion and concern for others is overwhelming sometimes. I mean, there I was just putting on my PJ's and getting ready to watch my 2nd favorite show and eat some rainbow sherbet, when I fell prey to their fangs and claws. Trust me when I say fighting zombies is no picnic. No sir, it is not easy. The worst part is, you never know who is going to become a zombie, either!! And once a person has been infected you just have to forget you ever knew them because there is no recovery from zombie-itis once they bite you. Fortunately, I was not bitten by the zombies but I was re-attacked this morning by different zombies from the same zombie crew! I managed to survive and am no worse for the wear.
I read somewhere that zombies can sense when a woman is ovulating and that is when they are most prone to become violent. I think zombies hate the idea of babies because babies are so cute and happy and babies are notorious for getting a lot of attention and we all know that zombies LOVE attention and they don't like to share. Perhaps there is a new career for me on the horizon; Annie the Zombie Slayer!! Yes, I think that has a nice ring to it.
Slaying zombies, writing hilarious and informative blogs and spreading the word about the joys of eating yummy, vegan Crispy Cat candy bars may sound like a lot but it's all in a day's work for this gal.
In other news, my agent Carlos has promised to get me a MAC, but it hasn't happened yet. It is awful hard to write my book without it. Boo hoo. How can I be expected to be creative on a PC!?! Perhaps I can work slaying zombies on commission and save up for a MAC.
OK diary, I have to go now.
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Your agent brought you some macs today but ann was NOWHERE to be found. Maybe the zombies ate her, maybe she has Cat Scratch Fever, Maybe she has a horrible sickness after having finger intercourse with a 'mater. Some one in her office laughingly suggested she might be working on the road demonstrating the joys of vegan, kosher organic crispy cat candy bars--but that would just be too unbelievable. Maybe Ann will show up someday and claim a creative mac laptop computer and finish her damn book so I can put money in the bank for sharty. One can only hope.
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