Pages from my ill diary.

Dearest Diary,

I am ever so ill today. Why? Well its just one of those days, you know the sort of day I'm talking about. For example you might be on the road traveling and you come back to your office and you find someone has stolen your lamp and then you might get accused of changing the HTML on the company myspace and you don't even know what HTML is. Then someone in the warehouse may have spilled coffee all over your shipping forms and now you have to re-do them and then you get a major 'tude from the warehouse when you give them shit about it. Oh, and then your manager might think that throwing almonds at you while you work is funny even when it's obviously not. And the best is when you find a mug that boasts "Big time lover" on it and it's filled with a rotten smoothie and just haphazardly left on your desk. Rude. Rude and nasty. Nasty and vile. Vile and repugnant. Oh yes and don't forget smelly. Yes it smelled like a compost heap that was composting in hell. Roasting on the flames of stench.

That's all I wish to say on that topic.

I had many adventures on my travels this week including an almost encounter with David Sedaris. I was in Raleigh doing a demo, while I was chopping samples I saw a small, tidy man thru my bangs and I thought it was him. I got really excited because he is my literary role model. You can imagine my disappointment when I pushed the hair out of my face and discovered it wasn't David Sedaris after all, just some random small, tidy gay man, not the small tidy gay man I was hoping for. Oh well.

I also saw some weird polygamists in the hotel. They were stone cold munchin' the free continental breakfast. I couldn't stop staring. It was so Big Love. I have been meaning to write an essay titled"Polygamy gets the job done" but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Perhaps if I had sister wives I would have more time for my writing.

I guess if I had to have a sister wife I would pick my friend Jessica. She sort of already looks like a Mormon and I think she is pretty good with household responsibilities. I have full confidence that she has what it takes to live the principal. I would of course be first wife so I would ultimately call all the shots but she would be a great wing-man.

The only problem I have is the whole sharing a husband thing. I have never excelled at sharing or communal living for that matter. If I can't share an apartment with someone can I really share a husband? No matter how much I like someone I'm not going to let them sleep with Teddydigital. I also have not checked with TeddyDigital to see if he is even interested in becoming polygamists. I think really what I'm in the market for is not a sister wife but more of a maid/personal assistant. That would definitely give me more time to write and I wouldn't have to let some other woman sleep with my husband.

That's all I have to say on that topic as well.