Thanksgiving is almost here. Time to get ill at the table. Time to mumble something that you're thankful for as your family watches on eager to hear what you are thank full for and then cram a bunch of food in your face.
I love the excuse to cram a bunch of food in my face, and this year because I am pregnant I plan to really enjoy myself. The reason is not because I feel like being pregnant is an excuse to be disgusting or to let your self go but rather the fact that all my pants now how an elastic waistband and I don't have to feel ashamed by wearing sweatpants to the table or anything. I just wear my normal pants, that now allow for maximum stuffage with out sacrificing fashion. I will probably take the dog for a run before heading over to my Mothers house, this will leave me feeling extra famished and very justified in a full on face stuffin' throw down massacre. Then I will lay down and fall asleep and feel sick and cranky.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
All I am saying is give pickles a chance.....
Stu and I just got into a very heated discussion about fried pickles. I have to say I was totally blown away by his intolerance to the pickle. I thought of all people Stu would love fried pickles b/c they are so delicious and because Stu is a master snacker. I was so wrong. I thought I knew Stu but I guess there was still a few things I had to learn.
The conversation got started when I mentioned a grammar error I had made and fried pickles were in the sentence. The sentence was " Those fried pickles were so good I could have ate the whole thing." the error being ate, it should have been eaten. Ok so I am ignorant and have bad grammar, big deal. Anyway Stu told me that he ordered the fried platter at the Westville pub and fried pickles were on it and he was totally unimpressed! I was like about what is this guy talking about I was stunned that he didn't love them.
Whats even more disturbing is that Stu doesn't even think of pickles as a food, he thinks they are a condiment and have no place on a menu as a food item. He thinks pickles should just stay where they are on the side of the plate, like little nothings little nobodies. I found this appalling I mean why not give the pickle a chance. If a mushroom can make it as an appetizer or a potato skin for gods sake why not a pickle. A potato skin is not even food, its just the skin of something Else. Most of the time people peal that part off and throw it way. A pickle is a wonderful and under appreciated snack that deserves its shot at fame.
Stu was adamant about this whole issue and we had to cut it short because he was leaving for the day. We will have to resume the debate tomorrow.
The conversation got started when I mentioned a grammar error I had made and fried pickles were in the sentence. The sentence was " Those fried pickles were so good I could have ate the whole thing." the error being ate, it should have been eaten. Ok so I am ignorant and have bad grammar, big deal. Anyway Stu told me that he ordered the fried platter at the Westville pub and fried pickles were on it and he was totally unimpressed! I was like about what is this guy talking about I was stunned that he didn't love them.
Whats even more disturbing is that Stu doesn't even think of pickles as a food, he thinks they are a condiment and have no place on a menu as a food item. He thinks pickles should just stay where they are on the side of the plate, like little nothings little nobodies. I found this appalling I mean why not give the pickle a chance. If a mushroom can make it as an appetizer or a potato skin for gods sake why not a pickle. A potato skin is not even food, its just the skin of something Else. Most of the time people peal that part off and throw it way. A pickle is a wonderful and under appreciated snack that deserves its shot at fame.
Stu was adamant about this whole issue and we had to cut it short because he was leaving for the day. We will have to resume the debate tomorrow.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tips on booking a hotel
Tip#1 When booking a hotel make sure to book one that is not haunted.
Boy I wish I had that tip a few days ago when I booked a hotel for Eric and I in Augusta GA.
We don't have a huge travel budget here at Crispy Cat so we need to get hotels that are modest in price. Usually that is no problem. I have booked many a hotel in the past, all with great results. This time not so much. First off the picture on the computer was a not exactly representative of the actual hotel. Because it looked sort of like crap on the computer but like total ass in real life. As Eric pointed out, it looked like corporate America took a dump all over Augusta.
The hotel itself was on a road that was closed but we were able to get to with a detour. So already it was like a horror movie. We checked in and got our keys and headed up to our rooms. Eric noticed that the elevator looked like they were caging monkeys in it because it looked like the walls had poop thrown all over them. When I got to my room my key would not work. So I went downstairs and got a new one. When I went back up to the room and it opened other people were already staying in the room. At this point I had started laughing hysterically for some reason. And I laughed all the way to the front desk, the front desk agent apologized and told me that they were having some problems with there computer system because they have a ghost and he is upset over the remolding. He said it so nonchalant like it was nothing to have a disgruntled ghost in a hotel. I was in shock. I am so afraid of ghosts and this guy was saying it like you were a total ninny if a pissed off ghost was a big deal to you. I really needed more explanation and more information about this ghost so Jerry went on to tell me that 30 years ago when they were building the hotel a constructing worker fell out of the 5Th floor window and died, now his ghost lives on the 5th floor and ever since they decided to remodel he has not been happy. He apparently goes into the computer system and changes things around. Jerry said that he has seen him on the camera before. I was afraid to ask but I had to know so I asked what he looked like. Tall and thin with long scraggly white hair. Jerry saw the look of sheer terror on my face and told me not to worry that he stays on the 5th floor and he won't bother me. In fact no guests stay on the 5th floor right now. Then he was done with our conversation and took a phone call. I called Eric and told him there was a ghost in the hotel and that I was freaking out. He did not seem overly concerned but I think he was a little afraid too because he said he didn't mind if we switched hotels. I called another hotel but it was booked, it seems they were all booked.
When I went back to the front desk to talk to Jerry about leaving he informed me that all the hotels in Augusta were booked due to a baptist convention. Then he got annoyed and told me that I would not find a hotel in all of Augusta that someone didn't die in so I might as well stay put.
That night I got the worst sleep of my entire night. I thought I found bloody claw marks on the wall and insisted Eric look at them. He thought they were just dirt marks but they looked like someone was trying to claw their way out of the room to me. Clawing until there was just bloody stumps for fingers! I kept the T.V. and the lights on all night. I woke up every hour or so to catch a glimpse of a rerun of The Nanny or Mad about you.
In the morning I got up early and had a lot of time to kill before the demo. I kept myself busy by talking to house keeping about the ghost. They confirmed the story and added there own personal experiences with the ghost. Apparently one housekeeper found him to be a pleasant ghost and very helpful. Turning the radio on for her or plugging in alarm clocks.
I could tell the tale of what happened at the complimentary Continental breakfast but that is another story and too upsetting.
Tomorrow I will re-live the nightmare of the Continental breakfast.
Boy I wish I had that tip a few days ago when I booked a hotel for Eric and I in Augusta GA.
We don't have a huge travel budget here at Crispy Cat so we need to get hotels that are modest in price. Usually that is no problem. I have booked many a hotel in the past, all with great results. This time not so much. First off the picture on the computer was a not exactly representative of the actual hotel. Because it looked sort of like crap on the computer but like total ass in real life. As Eric pointed out, it looked like corporate America took a dump all over Augusta.
The hotel itself was on a road that was closed but we were able to get to with a detour. So already it was like a horror movie. We checked in and got our keys and headed up to our rooms. Eric noticed that the elevator looked like they were caging monkeys in it because it looked like the walls had poop thrown all over them. When I got to my room my key would not work. So I went downstairs and got a new one. When I went back up to the room and it opened other people were already staying in the room. At this point I had started laughing hysterically for some reason. And I laughed all the way to the front desk, the front desk agent apologized and told me that they were having some problems with there computer system because they have a ghost and he is upset over the remolding. He said it so nonchalant like it was nothing to have a disgruntled ghost in a hotel. I was in shock. I am so afraid of ghosts and this guy was saying it like you were a total ninny if a pissed off ghost was a big deal to you. I really needed more explanation and more information about this ghost so Jerry went on to tell me that 30 years ago when they were building the hotel a constructing worker fell out of the 5Th floor window and died, now his ghost lives on the 5th floor and ever since they decided to remodel he has not been happy. He apparently goes into the computer system and changes things around. Jerry said that he has seen him on the camera before. I was afraid to ask but I had to know so I asked what he looked like. Tall and thin with long scraggly white hair. Jerry saw the look of sheer terror on my face and told me not to worry that he stays on the 5th floor and he won't bother me. In fact no guests stay on the 5th floor right now. Then he was done with our conversation and took a phone call. I called Eric and told him there was a ghost in the hotel and that I was freaking out. He did not seem overly concerned but I think he was a little afraid too because he said he didn't mind if we switched hotels. I called another hotel but it was booked, it seems they were all booked.
When I went back to the front desk to talk to Jerry about leaving he informed me that all the hotels in Augusta were booked due to a baptist convention. Then he got annoyed and told me that I would not find a hotel in all of Augusta that someone didn't die in so I might as well stay put.
That night I got the worst sleep of my entire night. I thought I found bloody claw marks on the wall and insisted Eric look at them. He thought they were just dirt marks but they looked like someone was trying to claw their way out of the room to me. Clawing until there was just bloody stumps for fingers! I kept the T.V. and the lights on all night. I woke up every hour or so to catch a glimpse of a rerun of The Nanny or Mad about you.
In the morning I got up early and had a lot of time to kill before the demo. I kept myself busy by talking to house keeping about the ghost. They confirmed the story and added there own personal experiences with the ghost. Apparently one housekeeper found him to be a pleasant ghost and very helpful. Turning the radio on for her or plugging in alarm clocks.
I could tell the tale of what happened at the complimentary Continental breakfast but that is another story and too upsetting.
Tomorrow I will re-live the nightmare of the Continental breakfast.
Monday, November 12, 2007
I have risen from the ashes.
You may have noticed that I have not posted in a long time. Well that is because I was sick. Then I died. Then I can back from the dead. Now I am a zombie.
Seriously, I had a respiratory infection and was out of commission most of the week. I was forced to lay on the couch and watch the most hideous T.V. ever. At first it wasn't so bad I got to catch up on all the back episodes of "Shot at love with Telia Tequila" WOW, that is the best-worst show ever. I just was baffled at the fact that these people are serious about "finding love" by participating in competitions like sitting in a chair and spinning around until totally dizzy and then trying to run with a tray of margaritas. All to impress the beautiful and Bi-sexual Tila Tequila. It is the first reality love show to include men and women both competing for the same lady. One day, I watched 4 hours of that show! Just back to back episodes of pure American splendor and fun!!
I am starting to wonder if America is getting dumber or if I am getting smarter.
I think its just that I noticed that T.V. has a lot of stupid shows and that a reality show with smart people would be boring because a person with even just half of their brain would never humiliate themselves on T.V. So thank God for stupid people willing to look like a fool on T.V. otherwise it would have been a long week for me!
A show that I think is funny is the Sarah Silverman program. Teddydigital and I watched the entire first season on DVD . The show is a little like this blog in that it relies heavily on scatological humor. And there is a dog on the show named Doug that looks just like my dog Inky. All a show needs to do to hook me is somehow involve a cute dog. If that's all it takes for me to be sold on a show perhaps I am one of the stupid people
I don't care, I love shows with little cute dogs, especial ones with funny names like Doug!
Seriously, I had a respiratory infection and was out of commission most of the week. I was forced to lay on the couch and watch the most hideous T.V. ever. At first it wasn't so bad I got to catch up on all the back episodes of "Shot at love with Telia Tequila" WOW, that is the best-worst show ever. I just was baffled at the fact that these people are serious about "finding love" by participating in competitions like sitting in a chair and spinning around until totally dizzy and then trying to run with a tray of margaritas. All to impress the beautiful and Bi-sexual Tila Tequila. It is the first reality love show to include men and women both competing for the same lady. One day, I watched 4 hours of that show! Just back to back episodes of pure American splendor and fun!!
I am starting to wonder if America is getting dumber or if I am getting smarter.
I think its just that I noticed that T.V. has a lot of stupid shows and that a reality show with smart people would be boring because a person with even just half of their brain would never humiliate themselves on T.V. So thank God for stupid people willing to look like a fool on T.V. otherwise it would have been a long week for me!
A show that I think is funny is the Sarah Silverman program. Teddydigital and I watched the entire first season on DVD . The show is a little like this blog in that it relies heavily on scatological humor. And there is a dog on the show named Doug that looks just like my dog Inky. All a show needs to do to hook me is somehow involve a cute dog. If that's all it takes for me to be sold on a show perhaps I am one of the stupid people
I don't care, I love shows with little cute dogs, especial ones with funny names like Doug!
Friday, November 2, 2007
Team Shocker update!
Eric Usher sales and marketing director and Teddydigital loving husband to yours truly both play on a little flag football team called the Shockers. If you know what a shocker is than I apologize for the vulgar and gross name. If you don't know what a shocker is than I suggest you ask a school nurse or a porn star or something. Anyway I told Andrew, I would report on the game. I don't understand football so its hard to report on the game but here are my general observations.
I noticed that my husband is a very tall man. I don't think of him as all that tall but then I see him standing next to other guys and I see it. he is 6'4 and I am 5'2 and I always feel like we are the same height.
I noticed that Eric spent a lot of time at work doing some little drawings and then photocopying them and he called them "plays" I have no idea how that works.
I noticed that they were calling a member of the other team a "baby seal." Not because he was really cute and cuddly but because he flops around and pretends to get knocked down. Andrew refereed to the baby seal as a " School girl bitch" or something like that.
Just let it be known that I don't approve of the term school girl bitch. I think a more suitable term is candy-ass bitch. Being called a girl should never be an insult. Girls are awesome and we are an under appreciated group, don't even get me started!!
I also noticed that football has a lot of rules that I don't understand and that I don't care to understand. Plus I hate Michael Vick and he plays football.
I can't say that I don't like going because I do. Usually I see a friend or two when I go and I end up spending the whole time talking or running around with someones baby that they brought with them.
Male egos running rampant and going long. That seems to be a theme with football. I don't get it, I guess there are somethings that have to remain mysterious so that life can be interesting.
I noticed that my husband is a very tall man. I don't think of him as all that tall but then I see him standing next to other guys and I see it. he is 6'4 and I am 5'2 and I always feel like we are the same height.
I noticed that Eric spent a lot of time at work doing some little drawings and then photocopying them and he called them "plays" I have no idea how that works.
I noticed that they were calling a member of the other team a "baby seal." Not because he was really cute and cuddly but because he flops around and pretends to get knocked down. Andrew refereed to the baby seal as a " School girl bitch" or something like that.
Just let it be known that I don't approve of the term school girl bitch. I think a more suitable term is candy-ass bitch. Being called a girl should never be an insult. Girls are awesome and we are an under appreciated group, don't even get me started!!
I also noticed that football has a lot of rules that I don't understand and that I don't care to understand. Plus I hate Michael Vick and he plays football.
I can't say that I don't like going because I do. Usually I see a friend or two when I go and I end up spending the whole time talking or running around with someones baby that they brought with them.
Male egos running rampant and going long. That seems to be a theme with football. I don't get it, I guess there are somethings that have to remain mysterious so that life can be interesting.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The people who comment on this blog ROCK!!!
I just want to give a shout out to all the peeps who commented on the blog recently!! To the gal in AZ, don't worry my husband knows I am what keeps this relationship cool and fart story's will never get old to me!! And to the person who commented on the hippie zombie post, we will always continue to give away free candy to nice people like you!
Sunday Ari had a little brunch and invited the whole office. That was very brave of him. There were a lot of people there that I didn't know so it sort of forced me to be on my best behavior. At least my better behavior, if you can even call it that. I enjoyed some delicious fruit and bagels and juice. Everyone at the brunch seemed to be very normal, meaning that everyone was polite and friendly and their clothes were clean and neat. We all had a very nice time. It really sucks that something outrageous or disgusting didn't happen because really there is nothing to write about. I guess in that sort of situation I would usually be the one to make something like that happening, but I held back, I felt a little tired and i didn't have gas:(
Another time that I held back was at my good friend Molly's mom's Seder. Molly's mom Loren invited me every year to enjoy all the Jewish holidays with their family, seeing as I lived far from my family and also because even though I'm not Jewish I like to party with Gods chosen people. At this particular Seder there were some old school relatives that I didn't know and that, I guess Molly wasn't into. They were old and a little stuffy and the conversation at the table was a little boring. Loren by the way is another person that rocks because she always made a vegetarian matzo ball soup for me and it was so good! At one point the conversation was about how these ladies were all in a book club together and they read books by Jewish authors and then got together to eat snacks, drink coffee and discuss. Molly leaned over to me and whispered " Why don't you roll the dice and get this party going. Ask if they are going to read Madonna's sex book, since now her name is Ester and she's a Jew." I considered it for a moment. It was tempting but I decided in the end that if she wanted to ruin her mothers Seder than I would support her but I would not be the one to initiate it. She understood and decided not to ask about Ester's sex book. I think that it was for the best but it would have been awesome.
Sunday Ari had a little brunch and invited the whole office. That was very brave of him. There were a lot of people there that I didn't know so it sort of forced me to be on my best behavior. At least my better behavior, if you can even call it that. I enjoyed some delicious fruit and bagels and juice. Everyone at the brunch seemed to be very normal, meaning that everyone was polite and friendly and their clothes were clean and neat. We all had a very nice time. It really sucks that something outrageous or disgusting didn't happen because really there is nothing to write about. I guess in that sort of situation I would usually be the one to make something like that happening, but I held back, I felt a little tired and i didn't have gas:(
Another time that I held back was at my good friend Molly's mom's Seder. Molly's mom Loren invited me every year to enjoy all the Jewish holidays with their family, seeing as I lived far from my family and also because even though I'm not Jewish I like to party with Gods chosen people. At this particular Seder there were some old school relatives that I didn't know and that, I guess Molly wasn't into. They were old and a little stuffy and the conversation at the table was a little boring. Loren by the way is another person that rocks because she always made a vegetarian matzo ball soup for me and it was so good! At one point the conversation was about how these ladies were all in a book club together and they read books by Jewish authors and then got together to eat snacks, drink coffee and discuss. Molly leaned over to me and whispered " Why don't you roll the dice and get this party going. Ask if they are going to read Madonna's sex book, since now her name is Ester and she's a Jew." I considered it for a moment. It was tempting but I decided in the end that if she wanted to ruin her mothers Seder than I would support her but I would not be the one to initiate it. She understood and decided not to ask about Ester's sex book. I think that it was for the best but it would have been awesome.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Company of the year!!! Take that zombies!
Last weekend was L.E.A.F and of course we were there selling bars and sampling out candy. LEAF is this big hippie fest that happens twice a year here in the Asheville area, I would probably not go to it if I wasn't working it. To be honest I find the whole "hippie" scene around here really boring and unoriginal. I might be feeling this way because I am a little over people with all their ideas about how a company should be run approaching me at demos and events. I get harassed by the same type of person at every event. I will give you a quick overview of said person....
1. They smell horrible due to a lack of deodorant and a claim that "excessive hygiene" is not cool.
2. They want to scrutinize the new product and compare and contrast it to the old product. Thus preventing me from engaging with others and subjecting me to boring and repetitive conversations.
3. They want to villinize us for no longer making the candy bar by hand. Because they of course have never made one by hand and have no idea what is involved.
4. They want to tell me how the business should be run and they want to give suggestions that make no sense and are impossible
5. They think money is evil and anyone who wants to earn a decent and honest living is a jerk and a sell out and very unspirtual .
Perhaps I sound a little bitter but image that you are giving someone something for free and all they do is criticize it and look for what is wrong with it. All the while they are eating up more than their fair share of samples. So rude. Really people,rude. I just think that some people would rather see the company go under and have to shut down rather than expand so that even more people can have a delicious candy bar alternative. At a better price I might add. Yes we are no longer making them by hand but that means that people all over the world get to enjoy Crispy Cats! We get to show people how to eat healthy and cruelty-free and still have a candy bar. Its pretty amazing, but some can only stay stuck in their small, narrow minds that don't include change.
That's what this boils down to: CHANGE!!!!!
That is what life is about. If you can't go with change than you might as well go eat a snickers because that is all you are going to be able to buy. Thats right you heard it here first. Don't say we didn't warn you. If you decided to be a hater than you are going to have to eat snickers bars for the rest of your life insteed of yummy Crispy Cats.
Here is the bottom line. We just won company of the year from Vegnews!!! I found this out as I was writing this blog and that is the best news I have had all day! So that is all I am going to tell those hippie zombies the next time they start harassing me about the bars being made in Canada!! By the way, why is everyone hating on Canada?? That is one awesome country! First off I would like to mention that we were unable to find a local place that would uphold our strict vegan and gluten-free, kosher standards so we were forced to find it elsewhere! AND all those people are always saying how effed up this country is and blah blah blah so you would think they would be stoked that we would make our candy in such a peaceful friendly country. Of course they are upset because its cool to only want to buy things that are local, even though we are technically a local company and by the way we are the company of the YEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I invite everyone to tell me what you think. I would love to hear what people think about what they just read. If you have a problem with Canada I want to hear about it, and then I want to tell you how douchy you are because Canada rocks!
If you would rather us go out of business but still make the bars by hand let me know and I will train you in how to make them and you can come over and do it till your hands fall off.
I know this all may sound a little angry but I get sick of being attacked by zombie hippies at every event I go to, especially since all I'm trying to do is give people free candy.
1. They smell horrible due to a lack of deodorant and a claim that "excessive hygiene" is not cool.
2. They want to scrutinize the new product and compare and contrast it to the old product. Thus preventing me from engaging with others and subjecting me to boring and repetitive conversations.
3. They want to villinize us for no longer making the candy bar by hand. Because they of course have never made one by hand and have no idea what is involved.
4. They want to tell me how the business should be run and they want to give suggestions that make no sense and are impossible
5. They think money is evil and anyone who wants to earn a decent and honest living is a jerk and a sell out and very unspirtual .
Perhaps I sound a little bitter but image that you are giving someone something for free and all they do is criticize it and look for what is wrong with it. All the while they are eating up more than their fair share of samples. So rude. Really people,rude. I just think that some people would rather see the company go under and have to shut down rather than expand so that even more people can have a delicious candy bar alternative. At a better price I might add. Yes we are no longer making them by hand but that means that people all over the world get to enjoy Crispy Cats! We get to show people how to eat healthy and cruelty-free and still have a candy bar. Its pretty amazing, but some can only stay stuck in their small, narrow minds that don't include change.
That's what this boils down to: CHANGE!!!!!
That is what life is about. If you can't go with change than you might as well go eat a snickers because that is all you are going to be able to buy. Thats right you heard it here first. Don't say we didn't warn you. If you decided to be a hater than you are going to have to eat snickers bars for the rest of your life insteed of yummy Crispy Cats.
Here is the bottom line. We just won company of the year from Vegnews!!! I found this out as I was writing this blog and that is the best news I have had all day! So that is all I am going to tell those hippie zombies the next time they start harassing me about the bars being made in Canada!! By the way, why is everyone hating on Canada?? That is one awesome country! First off I would like to mention that we were unable to find a local place that would uphold our strict vegan and gluten-free, kosher standards so we were forced to find it elsewhere! AND all those people are always saying how effed up this country is and blah blah blah so you would think they would be stoked that we would make our candy in such a peaceful friendly country. Of course they are upset because its cool to only want to buy things that are local, even though we are technically a local company and by the way we are the company of the YEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I invite everyone to tell me what you think. I would love to hear what people think about what they just read. If you have a problem with Canada I want to hear about it, and then I want to tell you how douchy you are because Canada rocks!
If you would rather us go out of business but still make the bars by hand let me know and I will train you in how to make them and you can come over and do it till your hands fall off.
I know this all may sound a little angry but I get sick of being attacked by zombie hippies at every event I go to, especially since all I'm trying to do is give people free candy.
Monday, October 15, 2007
I have an exciting life.
Here is an account of what happened this morning on my drive to work.
I am an animal lover. Meaning that I LOVE ANIMALS, a lot and sometimes (all the time) more than people. I guess I 'm not talking about the people in my lives really, but if you give me a choice between a random person at the mall or a, lets say a cockatoo or a pug, I choose the pug and the cockatool. Actually if given the choice to hang out with a pug or a member of my family, I choose the pug. I would also like to mention that I don't have a pug fixation. I do love pugs but I don't have one, I live with a chug. Petunia is a chichwawa pug mix, hence a chug. I also live with Inky an aging 1olb killing machine, he is a terrier mix and with Otto a 5 year old golden retriever that Teddydigital and I rescued last year. Mr.Big is the cat, I can't say that I "have" a cat because we all know cats don't play that. But he lives in our house and eats the food I put out for him and sleeps in the bed provided for him. I love him and he is the nicest cat one could ever hope to meet. Then there is Bob. Bob is 17 years old and he is a cat that just lives in our neighborhood but he loves to sleep over at my house with Bigs so I consider him one of the crew.
As I was driving to work I saw a young golden retriever hanging on the side of the road with some construction workers. I immediately knew who he was. He lives a few streets over from me and he is forever slipping out of his fence. Once he was out and hidding in the bushes and jumping out on cars and I pulled over and put him back in his yard. Another time I was running with Otto and he started running with us. I corralled him back into his yard and about 4/10ths of a mile later turned around to see him running behind me. I ran him home and tried to see if his owners were home but no one was. So this morning I put my hazards on a called him over to my car. He seemed happy to see me, but had no interest in going into my car. When I got out of my car he ran into the street, then stoped and moseyed around sniffing the pavement while cars came shrieking to a halt honking horns at him. he acted like he didn't even notice the commotion he was causing and instead ran back overt to the construction workers and acted like he was with them.
I wasn't sure what to do because he would not get in my car and I was in the middle of the road. I tried to tell myself that he would be ok with the construction workers and I started to drive away. I knew in my heart that I could not just let him be, I had to do something. I pulled my car down the street and figured I would just get out and walk him home, but when I looked I saw him running down the street after a dachshund I knew I had to go after him. Not to mention that I have morning sickness as well so really I just wanted to puke on him.
I ran to the car and raced down the street and pulled in on a side street that wasn't very busy and lured him over. He came running over and seemed to have forgotten that just moments earlier had tried to lure him into my car. When I tried to hoist him up he collapsed himself , like a passive resistance type of thing and just stared up at me blankly while I held him in my arms. This is a golden retriever by the way, a hefty breed to say the least. Now a crowd was starting to gather because it looked like I hit him with my car and was cradling him in my arms when really I was begging him to just let me put him in my car. Finial after a bunch of people offered to pick him up I just said enough and hoisted him up and tossed him in the car. I drove him back to his house and he jumped back in the fence. His people were not home so I just gave him a stern waring and went to work.
My life is really exciting. More exciting than Chuck Norris even.
I am an animal lover. Meaning that I LOVE ANIMALS, a lot and sometimes (all the time) more than people. I guess I 'm not talking about the people in my lives really, but if you give me a choice between a random person at the mall or a, lets say a cockatoo or a pug, I choose the pug and the cockatool. Actually if given the choice to hang out with a pug or a member of my family, I choose the pug. I would also like to mention that I don't have a pug fixation. I do love pugs but I don't have one, I live with a chug. Petunia is a chichwawa pug mix, hence a chug. I also live with Inky an aging 1olb killing machine, he is a terrier mix and with Otto a 5 year old golden retriever that Teddydigital and I rescued last year. Mr.Big is the cat, I can't say that I "have" a cat because we all know cats don't play that. But he lives in our house and eats the food I put out for him and sleeps in the bed provided for him. I love him and he is the nicest cat one could ever hope to meet. Then there is Bob. Bob is 17 years old and he is a cat that just lives in our neighborhood but he loves to sleep over at my house with Bigs so I consider him one of the crew.
As I was driving to work I saw a young golden retriever hanging on the side of the road with some construction workers. I immediately knew who he was. He lives a few streets over from me and he is forever slipping out of his fence. Once he was out and hidding in the bushes and jumping out on cars and I pulled over and put him back in his yard. Another time I was running with Otto and he started running with us. I corralled him back into his yard and about 4/10ths of a mile later turned around to see him running behind me. I ran him home and tried to see if his owners were home but no one was. So this morning I put my hazards on a called him over to my car. He seemed happy to see me, but had no interest in going into my car. When I got out of my car he ran into the street, then stoped and moseyed around sniffing the pavement while cars came shrieking to a halt honking horns at him. he acted like he didn't even notice the commotion he was causing and instead ran back overt to the construction workers and acted like he was with them.
I wasn't sure what to do because he would not get in my car and I was in the middle of the road. I tried to tell myself that he would be ok with the construction workers and I started to drive away. I knew in my heart that I could not just let him be, I had to do something. I pulled my car down the street and figured I would just get out and walk him home, but when I looked I saw him running down the street after a dachshund I knew I had to go after him. Not to mention that I have morning sickness as well so really I just wanted to puke on him.
I ran to the car and raced down the street and pulled in on a side street that wasn't very busy and lured him over. He came running over and seemed to have forgotten that just moments earlier had tried to lure him into my car. When I tried to hoist him up he collapsed himself , like a passive resistance type of thing and just stared up at me blankly while I held him in my arms. This is a golden retriever by the way, a hefty breed to say the least. Now a crowd was starting to gather because it looked like I hit him with my car and was cradling him in my arms when really I was begging him to just let me put him in my car. Finial after a bunch of people offered to pick him up I just said enough and hoisted him up and tossed him in the car. I drove him back to his house and he jumped back in the fence. His people were not home so I just gave him a stern waring and went to work.
My life is really exciting. More exciting than Chuck Norris even.
Monday, October 8, 2007
foux pas are funny
The last night of trade show the company got invited out to have dinner at a hip vegetarian cafe in Baltimore. Some people in high places took a liking to the company and we felt honored to have been included. It had been a long 5 days already and I was pooped, not to mention sick and tired. I can't tell you why I was sick and tired, its a secret, I can tell you in a few weeks. So stop asking already! Anyway, I also had terrible gas. Really bad. I mean so bad that the day before I accidentally let one slip and it smelled so bad that Eric jumped out of our mini-van and walked back to the hotel.
It's really not my fault. I did purposely gas out Ari one night when we were driving back to our hotel though. Ari and I had custody of the mini-van seeing as we were very far from the convention center. Now, I don't mind driving but I'm used to Teddydigital doing all the driving, partly because he's a nice guy and partly because my driving scares him. So when Ari decided to get bombed, I was forced to drive. It made me a little mad because I was tired and n0t in the mood to drive, but I had no choice if I wanted to get back to my hotel so I could hear that dog barking in the projects across the street all night long. So I drove, and all the while Ari slurred "I don't drwink, I donnn dwrink" . I felt the raging furry in my bowels and just knew that it had to come out. So I rolled up the windows and then locked them ,as the worst smell in the world hit us both. Ari screamed and wailed but to no avail I would not roll down the window. Then I did it twice more. It sounds really harsh but it was well deserved.
At dinner, unfortunately was when my gas back fired on me. Normally I have control over my bowels but for many reasons this time I did not. For one I was tired and for two I had spent many days trying to hold in farts while at the trade show. So combine being tired with being hungry and with the fact that I had exerted a rather large amount of energy over the past four days holding farts in. Now picture me at dinner with the whos who of the natural food industry and I am a little tired and cranky and a little gassy.
At first the dinner was going slow and I feeling a little under stimulated. I really didn't know anyone except the people who I work with and it was crowded and a little hard to hear. Ari was on my left and Eric was on my right. Then Lelia and her friend Dean showed up and the party started to get rollin'. I started having a lot of fun talking with Dean and Lelia. Then before I knew it I had a little tofu in my belly and I was shouting and laughing and telling stories. That's when it happened. It just slipped out and I really didn't realize it until it was too late. I was carrying on and having to much fun to tell that one had snuck out and it was not until the retched smell hit the air that I started to panic. The smell was reported later as the worst one yet and it hit Ari and Eric hard. They both lept up at the same time from the table with their shirts over their noses and tried to run. Fearful that if they left it would be obvious that it was I who lay the fart I started clutching at Eric. I griped his shirt as I pleaded with my eyes not to run, but he could not handle it and he broke free from my death grip and ran to the safety of the bar. There I sat, alone with the smell and across from me sat all the big wigs and my boss Joel. Everyone was doing the polite thing and pretending not to smell the most putrid smell they may have ever smelled. I on the other hand was in peals of laughter, I don't know why because it only further proved I was the guilty party but I just could not stop laughing! Joel look at me from across the table and shrugged his shoulders " Oh well." was all he could muster up. I 'm sure he was very close to passing out and may have been in a fart induced delirium. Ari and Eric got drunk at the bar while waiting for the storm to pass. Ari said that it was so bad he didn't even think we could be friends anymore. When I heard that it brought back the hysterical fit I had been in earlier. I immediately called Teddydigital to tell him the story.
This is my favorite Crispy Cat story to date.
It's really not my fault. I did purposely gas out Ari one night when we were driving back to our hotel though. Ari and I had custody of the mini-van seeing as we were very far from the convention center. Now, I don't mind driving but I'm used to Teddydigital doing all the driving, partly because he's a nice guy and partly because my driving scares him. So when Ari decided to get bombed, I was forced to drive. It made me a little mad because I was tired and n0t in the mood to drive, but I had no choice if I wanted to get back to my hotel so I could hear that dog barking in the projects across the street all night long. So I drove, and all the while Ari slurred "I don't drwink, I donnn dwrink" . I felt the raging furry in my bowels and just knew that it had to come out. So I rolled up the windows and then locked them ,as the worst smell in the world hit us both. Ari screamed and wailed but to no avail I would not roll down the window. Then I did it twice more. It sounds really harsh but it was well deserved.
At dinner, unfortunately was when my gas back fired on me. Normally I have control over my bowels but for many reasons this time I did not. For one I was tired and for two I had spent many days trying to hold in farts while at the trade show. So combine being tired with being hungry and with the fact that I had exerted a rather large amount of energy over the past four days holding farts in. Now picture me at dinner with the whos who of the natural food industry and I am a little tired and cranky and a little gassy.
At first the dinner was going slow and I feeling a little under stimulated. I really didn't know anyone except the people who I work with and it was crowded and a little hard to hear. Ari was on my left and Eric was on my right. Then Lelia and her friend Dean showed up and the party started to get rollin'. I started having a lot of fun talking with Dean and Lelia. Then before I knew it I had a little tofu in my belly and I was shouting and laughing and telling stories. That's when it happened. It just slipped out and I really didn't realize it until it was too late. I was carrying on and having to much fun to tell that one had snuck out and it was not until the retched smell hit the air that I started to panic. The smell was reported later as the worst one yet and it hit Ari and Eric hard. They both lept up at the same time from the table with their shirts over their noses and tried to run. Fearful that if they left it would be obvious that it was I who lay the fart I started clutching at Eric. I griped his shirt as I pleaded with my eyes not to run, but he could not handle it and he broke free from my death grip and ran to the safety of the bar. There I sat, alone with the smell and across from me sat all the big wigs and my boss Joel. Everyone was doing the polite thing and pretending not to smell the most putrid smell they may have ever smelled. I on the other hand was in peals of laughter, I don't know why because it only further proved I was the guilty party but I just could not stop laughing! Joel look at me from across the table and shrugged his shoulders " Oh well." was all he could muster up. I 'm sure he was very close to passing out and may have been in a fart induced delirium. Ari and Eric got drunk at the bar while waiting for the storm to pass. Ari said that it was so bad he didn't even think we could be friends anymore. When I heard that it brought back the hysterical fit I had been in earlier. I immediately called Teddydigital to tell him the story.
This is my favorite Crispy Cat story to date.
A response to the comment left on "Line Hijinks"
I would like to respond to the comment left on "Line Hijinks"
The comment was totally lost on me. First of all that little story was not my "take on the trade show experience" it was half of a little vignette I was writing about Ari. And for the record I went around and asked many vendors for many samples and I also was a vendor who got asked for many samples and gladly handed them out. So that is that. However I am happy that someone commented on the blog.
Now on to the rest of my story.
I don't remember the rest of my story anymore.
The comment was totally lost on me. First of all that little story was not my "take on the trade show experience" it was half of a little vignette I was writing about Ari. And for the record I went around and asked many vendors for many samples and I also was a vendor who got asked for many samples and gladly handed them out. So that is that. However I am happy that someone commented on the blog.
Now on to the rest of my story.
I don't remember the rest of my story anymore.
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