Theres no crying at work.....yes there is

Lately I have been crying at work. I really can't help it, I have like 10 zillion hormones flooding my system at all times and stuff just makes me cry.

Things that are little seem big..sort of like when you have P.M.S and things feel crazy but you tell yourself, oh this is PMS this is not real it's just PMS. But when its been like that for 33 weeks in a row I think a gal starts to lose perspective of what is real and what is not. I mean after awhile the line between hormonal and straight up crazy gets kinda fuzzy.

Something that would make me cry pregnant or not was a youtube video that was sent to me in a myspace bulletin. It was titled can you find a pure bread dog in a shelter? Now, I know better than to fall for the old its gonna be a cute movie about all the cute dogs in a shelter. No this is going to be some really sad stuff and guess what? It was some seriously sad shit. It was all about the dogs that have to be put down in the shelters and it was euthanasia techs talking about how they do what they do and they showed all these cute lovable dogs who were about to be put to sleep. I just burst out crying at my desk. I mean they should show that movie to the people who drop off there dogs at the shelter. All I could think about was Otto and how he almost went to the shelter, I could just see his sweet trusting face behind those bars, just wondering what he ever did. That dog is so freaking loving and gentle. My God, his previous owners were horrible abusive rednecks that threw him away like trash and treated him even worse when they had him. When I found the creeps who dumped him they never once said thanks for shaving all the dreads off our dog and taking him to the vet and taking care of him and bathing him, they just grabbed him up and dragged him off to there shitty truck. Otto dug his feet in and tried to resist but they threw him in the truck. Well the long and short of that story is that he kept running away and eventually Ted and I just took him. The nasty owner people just said keep him. Otto is a beautiful pure bread Golden Retriever and a nice boy to boot.

So that is why I was crying at work today. But it was just for a few minutes I forced myself to stop because the other day I cried a river at work and I figure that I can't have too many crying spells in any given week.

One more interesting thing to note....Stu claims that running is bad for you and will give you "jumble guts". He thinks anyone who runs is crazy and looking for knee and joint problems. Well whatever Stu no one cares what you think about running..even if you did go to Harvard! I was out running this morning with Teddydigital and Otto and a lady with a minivan full of kids leaned out her window and said "WOW good for you, you're inspirational"
It was pretty cool and it inspired me to keep up with my attempts at running. I told myself that I don't have to run until I go into labor but who knows maybe I will after all!

Its not nice to stare.

More interesting things that happen when you are pregnant and standing naked in a semi-public place.
By semi-public I mean the locker room at the gym. It's not like I am naked in the middle of downtown or anything but the locker room is not exactly private either.
Grown women who probably have manners are blowing my mind with there lack of restraint when it comes to staring and commenting. I have no choice by the way other than to be naked when I change after my shower. I can't wrap a towel around my waist and slip on my underwear or slyly get my bra and shirt on with just a few seconds of boob showing. No, when you are 33 weeks pregnant putting on underwear feels like a scary balancing act that takes concentration and focus and dedication. So I am open to be viewed in the most unflattering light ever and in the most unflattering positions ever. Struggling to get dressed as fast as possible with out tipping over or hurting myself. By the way the light in the locker room is so bad, I look like I have gobs of cellulite AND I feel the lights make me look trollish or like a midget with insane bloating.

This is a blow by blow of one conversation.

Strange Lady: (after much staring) My you are big. Very big. You must be having that baby soon.
Me: I'm only 33 weeks.
Strange Lady: Well you sure are big.....ummmm....big.
Me: Yeah, I guess so.
Strange Lady: Well do you know what you are having?
Me: A girl
Strange Lady: Well your life is about to change! (then she laughs and walks away)

Another lady just keep drilling me about working out after the baby comes. Of course she prefaced the conversation with mentioning how big I am and how I must be having the baby soon. This lady wanted to know if I was going to work out till the end and what I was going to do after the baby arrives, am I still going to work out?? She was more obsessed with my exercise habits than I am.

Of course I know that people don't mean to be so ill and annoying and I know that I am more easily annoyed now than before. But seriously would people like it if I stood around the locker room after I have my baby and am back with a killer body pointing out to complete strangers how big they are or noticing other things about their body?

My fave is when people say don't worry you'll lose the weight after the baby comes. Now when I am wearing my clothes and obsessing to a friend or family member I like to hear this, when I am naked with a complete strange surveying my body, not so much.

Anyway don't forget about the contest we are having, you can win a bunch of free cases of Crispy Cats just for guessing on the baby's due date and height and weight. Just scroll down a few blogs for the details!

The pregnant guy.

No.
I am sure everyone has heard about this "man" that is pregnant.
I say man meaning that he underwent a sex change to get rid of his breasts and to take testosterone to get all manly. Yet left his reproductive organs in place because he said he knew he would want to have a baby someday.
OK here is my problem with this situation.

1. If a person feels they were born into the wrong gender than fine go get a sex change. I get that some people identify with a gender other than the one they were born into. I have no problem with someone being transgender.

2. However, if you feel like a man, well than your a man and men don't have the parts to have a baby. If you have the parts to have a baby than you are not a man with a uterus you are a lady with a beard.

3. Personal I do not want men to start having babies. This is not something that should get really trendy. One of the special things about being a woman is being able to make a baby.
Don't men have enough already in this world. Can't some things just be sacred and special for us ladies. Why do men want a piece of all of our action.

The good news is that regular guys can't do this. Only guys that used to be girls can do this and the good news is that most ladies that become men don't want to have babies because they feel like men and most men don't want to have a baby. Of course I am only speculating on all this. I have no idea what happens in other peoples heads. I think I am just annoyed by all the media hype that a man is pregnant. Its not like a person who was born a man got pregnant. This is not like that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger when he gets pregnant. This is just one of those situations that makes a great headline but is really sort of stupid when you look at it.
From far away it looks like ...Wow a dude is pregnant! Up close it looks like...Oh a lady that turned into a guy but left her womb is pregnant, and instead of looking like a beautiful glowing pregnant lady she just looks like a bloated frat guy or a dude with a drinking problem gross.

Anyway that is my 2 cents on all this silliness. I think Oprah should have me on her show. I can show her my stretch marks and hemorrhoids.

A chance to get free Crispy Cats.

Joel had a pretty good idea the other day. He suggested that we have a little contest. What sort of contest you might ask? Well the sort of contest where you guess what day I am having this baby and the height and weight. For every correct answer you give you get a free case of Crispy Cats. I don't think you have to be dead on to win, especial if no one is dead on. I think it has to be the person with the closet guess. So this means that you stand to win up to 3 free cases of product. So if you want to play than you can either post your guess in the comments section or you can email me at ann@crispycatcandybars.com
Here are a few hints.....
I have 2 due dates and one is May 25 and one is May 30.
Also as far as my height and Teddydigitals height is concerned I am 5'2 and he is 6"4.
Ok, so if you want to win some free candy than this is your chance. Especial all you people out there who keep emailing me wanting me to send you free samples, now you can get your free candy damm it!

Creepy pants

I finally broke down and purchased a pair of those ridiculous maternity pants that have some sort of panty hose on the top that totally covers the whole belly.
I totally love them. I look like a freak with panty hose over my belly but I am really comfortable. I had really cute maternity jeans that I wore everyday for the longest but eventually the half panel stated to cut into my belly and I was afraid it was digging into my baby's head. I did not want my baby coming out with weird jean marks on her face. So even though I told myself I would not wear creepy maternity pants with the "perfect fit belly" I broke down and did it. See what I mean about pregnancy turning women into one track bore machines. I mean who Else but another pregnant lady wants to read about me getting a pair of pants? Well, to bad I don't have anything else to write about. In other news about pants I am still able to just barley wear my really great running tights that I got a few years ago when I moved from Florida to North Carolina. They are some high tech fancy pants that Addias makes and were really expensive, that's why I had to get them as a Christmas gift. I wear them endlessly and I am forced to wear them under my belly so they kind of dig into my butt checks and that is not an attractive look. I don't care I am not buying maternity workout clothes this late in the game. Speaking of working out...I am proud to say that I am 32 weeks on Thursday and still running. Well not really running more jogging and shuffling but I am still getting up getting all suited up and taking the dog for runs. This morning I actually saw Otto YAWN while we were running. WOW he actually yawned. My father thinks my baby is going to fall out if I keep running, let me say WOW again. He wanted to know if anyone ever stops me to tell me I am too pregnant to run. So far no one has had the nerve. I live in a tiny town and people have been watching me run for almost 3 years now so they probably just got used to seeing me. God knows I have gotten used to seeing them! Let me just say that a pet peeve of mine is people walking or running on the wrong side of the street. Lets review....if you are running on the road you need to be running against the flow of on coming traffic so that cars can see you. You never run or walk with your back to oncoming traffic. I just can't stand when I am running and some schmuck is walking their dog on the wrong side of the street and then my dog starts getting all excited and wants to pull and jump and say hi to the other dog and I have to look like a dick and pull my dog away while the other person says "Oh he just wants to say hi." guess what, I don't want my dog going nuts trying to say HI to everyone when we are running. Otto is 85lbs and up until last year was never walked on a leash due to the fact that he was a wild mountain dog, now he is a runner and a very good one at that and I also don't want the worlds friendliest dog (Otto) pulling me down when I am 8 months pregnant. So please walk on the correct side of the street.
Ok that is my lecture for the day.
Highlights of this blog are
1. Creepy maternity pants are comfortable
2. People need to learn how to walk on the street so that they don't inconvenience me when I am running. Just kidding (not really, it is way annoying)

I'm back

It has been ages since I last posted. This is because I have been tired and unmotivated to write anything. Not to mention the fact that when your pregnant that is the biggest thing going on in your life and you want to talk about it all the time and other people want to staple your lips shut because your pregnancy is NOT the biggest thing in their life. So to avoid just blabbing non-stop about my hemorrhoids and my huge belly and what color I painted the baby's room and how it feels like I have a wolverine clawing at my insides I just said eff it. But this morning I am feeling invigorated and I am going to share some of this with any people that might look at this blog, which at this point is probably few considering the fact that when I look at blogs if someone doesn't post for a while I say screw em' and never check back.
OK so I am 31 weeks pregnant. I feel pretty good. A little moody (a lot moody) and sometimes tired (like from 3 pm on) and my feet hurt a lot and sometimes my back too. I am still running even though some people think I am insane. My Dr told me that since I was a runner before I got pregnant I could run as long as I felt good. Well last week I said OK ENOUGH I AM NOT RUNNING ANYMORE I AM ONLY GOING TO USE THE ELLIPTICAL. This was because during my run I felt like I was hauling a boulder around and had a midget on my back and I thought my lungs were bleeding and that my feet were fixin to fall off AND it was freaking cold as hell out. So I told myself that running until 30 weeks was admirable and that now I could call it quits and just use the boring machines at the gym. My mother suggest walking, WALKING, no I can't walk and say that I exercised. I know that walking is exercise but unless I am sweating and breathing heavy I don't feel like I have done a damm thing. Besides she is not a runner and doesn't get that its not easy for runners to just stop running and pick up walking. I am devastate enough as it is that sometimes during my run I have to stop and walk for a few seconds. By the way when I say "run" I mean a slow jogging waddling movement, where my dog is not even really running but doing more of a fast trot and is still way ahead of me. I remember when Otto had to keep up with me, now he gets antsy and annoyed because he wants to run and I can't go as fast as him so he get bored and tries to stop a lot and sniff every blade of grass that comes in his path. So I thought it was over. Then over the weekend we had a day where it was almost 70 degrees outside and I just could not resist so I went out for a run and it was great. I felt really good the weather was perfect nothing was hurting and I didn't even feel that heavy. Running was back on. Of course when I ran yesterday it was early in the morning and the midget was back on my back and the boulder was in my belly and my feet were falling off AND it was cold . Oh well. I am just going to keep running for a while and see how it goes.
That is a little bit of what is happening with me.

Bob's story is just down the page.

If you clicked on the link in the newsletter hoping to see the story on Bob the neighbor cat just scroll down the page.
Thanks!

Lifestyles of the ungrateful and whiney

Today I felt like ass at work so Joel let me go home early. I figure I can at least write my blog, even if I was feeling useless in the office. Sometimes I get so jealous of rich people who can just lay around and get pampered through there whole pregnancies. But of course if I was one of those rich people I would probably complain anyway. I guess no one is ever completely satisfied with what they have. Now I will get a bunch of comments from people telling me how happy they are with their lives and how they have nothing and love it. Well I do know that I have 3 of the worlds best dogs and they are all staring at me right now and I love it. I was getting all nervous thinking about how Teddydigital and I were going to care for a newborn and 3 dogs and 1 cat and then I saw some show about a couple who had a set of twins and then had sextuplets!!!! What the eff is that!!!!! I felt like a total baby when I saw that especially when the lady said that her husband lost his job and they had no income for a year and they were fine. The universe provide all the stuff they needed and they were not complaining and acting like a bunch of candy-asses either. It made me grateful that I am only having one baby and that my dogs are pretty low maintenance in comparisons to some dogs I know.
Speaking of dogs Petunia is bugging me to let her have a myspace. I was a little apprehensive because there are a lot of creeps on myspace but I figured what the hell gotta let the dog live so keep your eye out for her and if you are some sort of creep with a sick fetish for plump cute pug/Chihuahua mixes stay away, Petunia is pure and innocent and I will cut you if you mess with her. God, I hope I am not one of those Moms that gose to jail for beating up another Mom at her kids soccer game. I guess we will just have to wait and see!

Lets take a moment to honor Bob.

Over the weekend our good and loving and special friend Bob the neighbor cat passed away. I found him in the grass under a bush, it looked like he curled up for peaceful nap and the universe decided that it was his time to go. I bet God had his eye on Bob for a while because he is such an awesome cat but God knew that Bob had work to do here on Earth. Bob was almost 18 years old when he passed away. He lived with many people in our neighborhood including Becky and Paul and Teddydigital and myself. Due to the fact that Bob would not use a litter box I made him a bed on my porch with an electric blanket to keep him warm, but on really cold nights he would sleep at Becky and Paul's or with us. In fact a few days before he died it snowed and Bob came in and was hanging out, I noticed that he seemed a little sluggish but I chalked it up to him being cold. Around 11:30pm Paul came over and picked him up to sleep at his house because Paul could leave his window open for Bob to go out and pee and at my house Bob preferred to pee on Teddydigitals sweaters. I went to bed and about 10 minutes later Teddydigital came up and said that Bob was at the family room window asking to come in, so we let him in and he got in bed with me. (We made sure there were no clothes on floor) I just looked at Bob and he started purring and then he curled up and went to sleep. He was so happy to be in the house with us and to be sleeping in bed.
We buried Bob on Saturday and we are planing a memorial service for some time this week.
We all loved Bob and when I come home from work I keep expecting to see him come running to greet me in my driveway.
Rest in peace little Bobsie we will miss you.

The day after valentines day

Today is the day after Valentines day.
Did you give your girl some candy and she looked all disapointed and bummed?
Did you give your guy a homemade coupon book for foot rubs and he looked sad because he knew that even if he gave you the coupon you would never actualy give the rub?
Yeah, I know I've been there too.
Well everyday is a clean slate and we can always start over fresh that is why I sugguest that you go ahead and give the gift of Crispy Cats.
You just can not go wrong. You can still atone for bad choice that you made.
I sugguest if you want to score big go get a mixed case of bars and tell your loved one that you had to special order it and that is why you did not have it yesterday.
By the way I don't condone lying, I am just throwing it out there.
So that is my tip for today. If you effed up don't worry now you know what to do.