Oily discharge is not OK

Finally someone responded to my requests to submit stories for my new epic novel Oops I crapped my pants. The person who told me their story asked me to keep him anonymous and even though I don't really want to, I will respect his wishes.



This man. who shall remain nameless was on a train traveling to see a friend. During his travels he got a little peckish and needed a snack. Since he was in a hurry he was forced to get a snack from a vending machine in the train station. This person is normally a label reader and tries his best to pick healthy snacks but on this particular day he didn't. So he makes his selection, thinking he was just getting a regular bag of chips. He eats the chips and forgets all about it.



Later on.......



Our friend finally arrives at his distention around 2 hours after he ate the "chips" and is standing in his friends apartment about to make a phone call. As he waiting for the person to pick up on the other end he had a sudden and totally shocking turn of events......in his pants!!!!!

He totally crapped his pants, and he didn't even see it coming! He was so disturbed by this slacksadent that he racked his brain trying to figure out what it could have been that would have caused him to have a total breakdown in his bowel system. Somewhere along the line some thing malfunctioned and the signal that tells a grown man to go to the bathroom was disengaged, hence the unfortunate dropping of an ass bomb. So, this guy goes Thur his bag and finds the culprit. It was the bag of seemingly innocent and unassuming chips he had consumed several hours earlier, they were filled with the substance known as Olestra. It is a widely known fact that Olestra can cause "anal leakage or an oily discharge from the anus." Those are the words on the package and those were the experiences of our friend who suddenly found himself with soiled pants.

Just like that he went from a normal adult who is potty trained to an incontinent man in need of a diaper. In 2 minuets, the time it took to inhale those chips , his dignity was gone.

I can tell you this, you will never have anal leakage or an oily discharge from eating a Crispy Cat Candy Bar. No, never, in fact are label states that our product will not cause any oily discharges and your anus is guaranteed not to leak or your money back guaranteed.

There are not a lot of guarantee in life and very few things are certain but one of them is that anything that causes your ass to leak is definitely not good for you and the other is that vegan, gluten-free and kosher Crispy Cats are the sane choice when it comes to snacking, because after all we care about our costumers and even though it makes for good stories we don't want anyone to crap their pants because of something they ate.