The mojo was in the mohawk

The following incoherent rant was left in the comments section of this blog space. Even though I probably don't need to note who left it, I will just in case you haven't been keeping up. It was left by the Fig, and oh what a salty little Fig he is.

oh, hey, no worries. just because we go through *a lot* more coffee now, and i haven't been able to make a delicious and nutritious smoothie in weeks, its no cause for alarm. someone is obviously just out to get my prostate. thanks a*ne. (what, i didn't use any real names)okay, so by the way, i think all this animosity toward me from a certain corporate-type community relations officer is due to the fact that i shaved off my mohawk and now she has no hair to straighten at lunch. boo hoo. no prob with the blender thing, though, i have discovered that annes cell phone works well for mashing bananas and strawberries into mush.


Alright, I guess the Fig just got around to reading this blog because he bombarded me with comments yesterday. I can't address them all in one post so I will do them in more manageable chunks.

Since I am a certified Figoligst and have spent numerous hours in the feild studying the Fig I can handle such an intense dose of him, but for one who is untrained this level of Fig could be deadly.
Some people compare my study of the Fig to Jane Goodall's study of the chimps. With all that being said lets get on to the heart of this matter.

Fact #1 The Fig had a mohawk.
Fact #2 Said mohawk was super curly.
Fact #3 The Fig let me flat iron his Mohawk during our lunch break on several occasions.
Fact #4 The Fig was really into the way it looked.

Then one day I come into work and I see the Fig sitting there at our break table drinking his coffee and eating his bagel, all very normal except for the fact that his head was totally bare!!
It was a little startling since I have never seen him in this condition before. He swears I have, but I don't think I would forget it if I had.

I could feel the shift. And the shift felt evil!

It all feels very Melrose Place to me. Perhaps an evil twin. It might be that Fig let a mad scientist do an experiment on him and then the mad scientist invaded his body. It could just be regular old body snatchers. Who knows what it could be, the possibilities are infinite.

I know from scientific evidence that 95% of the Fig's qi (life force) was in that mohawk.
Now that the mohawk is gone, so is the qi.
And this would explain all the strange behavior.

For the record I am not out to get the Fig's prostate (gross).
And I want him to stop using my cell phone for food preparation.

Anyway, this coffee buzz just wore off and with it went my attention span so I will have to finish this story some other time.
That is if the breaks in my car don't fail first..........

Stay tuned for more exciting office adventures.