If beating up my father-in-law is wrong then I don't want to be right.

I think my father-in-law (FIL) wants me to kick his ass. No, I really do think that. You might be wondering why a 65 year old man would want his ass kicked by a spry little elf like me. No, my FIL isn't some weird kinky dude. Get your mind out of the gutter! But he is a man that loves to make jokes. Oh yes he is a jokester to the max. My precious FIL loves to push the proverbial envelope. He is a master of the joke that is borderline inappropriate and that most folks would steer clear of. This is something that we have in common. I also enjoy making jokes that are in poor taste and usually result in someone being mad at me. I should do a *how to* piece on inappropriate jokes. Actually, I think my FIL should do it because he apparently wrote the book on that topic. One of his techniques is remembering events that were traumatic or embarrassing and then reliving them with great verve in front of an audience. I watched him do it and I must say he does have a flair for storytelling. Part of his method is that he laughs hysterically while telling the story and that automatically makes others laugh.

Sometimes he has a one line bomb and in that situation he has a totally different technique.
Instead of being in fits of laughter, practically flopped over to one side, he waits like a lion in the tall grass. I have seen him do this many times so I know it's a specific pattern. Oh he thinks I'm not onto his game but I am! Oh yes I most certainly am Tim Senior!!!

First he waits for the right moment, usually what would be considered bad timing to most.
Then he straightens up and looks at you and with just a hint of a smile he pulls the pin on his joke grenade. Then as you try to run for cover he makes a week attempt to stifle his laughter as he asks "whats wrong?" All the while a guffaw is ready to burst from his lips.

Anyway, I won't repeat his little zinger. Let's just say that it stoked a violent fire in me, hence the pummeling he is about to receive. I give him props for going there, but I think he was feeling brave because he was on the phone with Teddydigital and he didn't have to say it directly to me. The best part is that when I demanded the phone, FIL terminated the call saying he needed to go because he was buying corn.


I will wait. I will be uncharacteristically patient and then I will strike!! Like a cobra, I will strike. I will pounce on him like a weasel pounces on a cobra. Then we will see who is truly the master of the inappropriate joke. With any luck I can convince him to spend Thanksgiving with us and then it will be a fertile battleground for jokes. Speaking of fertile battlegrounds, I've noticed that those with a baby don't have to travel during the holidays. Family members are compelled to travel to wherever the baby is, lest they look like uncaring baby haters. I think I need to speak to Teddydigital about this because the commute to Philly is a bitch.

If you are considering having a baby to avoid holiday travel or you had a baby for that reason, call us! You could be a guest on our show.